Boundaries and Relationships

This week in class we talked a lot about the family and the different roles that families should have. My teacher talked a lot about how a husband and wife should be able to be one with each other. The wife or the husband shouldn’t be going and talking to their friends or family about issues that are happening in there home. I found this really interesting because my roommate has been in this situation within her own family. Her mom is constantly calling her complaining about her own Dad and the things he is doing. This puts her in a really awkward situation because she wants to help her mom and be there for her but at the same time she is talking about her Dad who she loves and respects. Eventually my roommate had to say “Hey Mom I love you and I want to be here for you but I don’t think you realize they way you are talking about Dad hurts me. It hurts me because I love him just as much as I love you but I can’t fix your problems and I don’t think you should expect me to” This coincides with what brother Williams talked about with boundaries. It is so important that you have clear set boundaries with your family now and after you are married. If you don’t have your boundaries set then this can lead to uncomfortable conversations later on trying to reset boundaries that have been crossed. Trying to clarify boundaries can and probably will be very awkward and uncomfortable but this is so necessary not only for your relationship with the person but for the person's relationship with whoever they are complaining about. The best thing you can do is try to be open with the other person and explain why you are worried and why you feel like this can be damaging the relationship. In class we put up 3 different houses up on the board. The first house has 10 ft cement walls and barb wire all over the top. The second house had fence posts where it looked like they meant to put up a fence but it never happened. Lastly the third house had a nice white picket fence around it will solid and clear boundaries. I thought this was a perfect analogy because we are not saying you should live in the house with the cement walls. You should definitely talk to your family and friends and build great and everlasting relationships with them. You definitely need to have more than a couple fence posts where you meant to set boundaries but never did. The little white house with the picket fence is perfect because there is a very clear line where the boundary is but the fence or line isn’t so intense that you feel like you can’t have a relationship with the person on the other side. Husband and Wife should be able to communicate to each other and be one with each other. There are definitely going to be hard times in your relationship were you don’t like each other but that doesn’t mean that you should turn to someone us to complain or project your feelings on. This will only lead to more and more problems. Every girl knows that the fastest way girls bond is by gossiping or complaining about someone else to each other. This was brought up in class and I bet a lot of affairs happen by just a girl complaining to her coworker about her husband and eventually they get so close that things happen that never should have happened. You and your partner need to work things together. If you can’t work it out on your own then go and see a professional but do it together. Once you make the commitment of marriage to each other than you should work and be together.